what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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