if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
