i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
