the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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