i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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