I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
