guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
