dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
