I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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