I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
