go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
