I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
