hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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