It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
