Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
