apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
