I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
