i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
