I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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