Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
