my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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