You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
