hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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