Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
