we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if only i could text you this smell
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
