I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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