I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
