We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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