Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
