In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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