everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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