dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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