Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
