Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
