i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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