If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
