So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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