It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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