I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
