this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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