I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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