If i come over, it means nothing
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
