Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
