Sponge bath it is.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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