Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
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She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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