i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
