Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
