take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
