i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
