no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
