that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
