so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
