She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Every concussion has its silver lining
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
