After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
