dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
